|
Let's talk before there's trouble!
In providing ministry to people who divorce,
we hear about the regrets that people had in their marriage. After it is over is too late to repair the relationship. Therefore, we would like to take this time to talk about this seemingly inappropriate
topic at this very happy time in your life. With far too many divorces happening and couples abandoning their marriage when things get tough, we need to talk.
It is inevitable that your marriage will occasionally become difficult. This happens in all relationships. When married couples find themselves in trouble or
feeling overly distressed about the relationship, they struggle with what to do. Current research is showing that couples are often in distress for over six years
before they seek outside or professional help. Often by then, so much damage and pain have been inflicted on the relationship that it is hard to restore love and
rebuild the relationship.
It has been said that marriage is the last chance we have to grow up. That may mean admitting that things
are beyond your control and it is time to get some help to keep the marriage alive and intact. Divorce, unfortunately, can happen much more easily than marriage.
Being educated about difficulties in marriage, allows you to take positive action before it is too late.
Some signs of a marriage that is splintering:
- Physical and sexual abuse
- Suspicion of infidelity
- Verbal abuse
- Frequent useless arguments
- Sudden abrupt behavior changes in spouse
- Unprovoked hostility in mate
- Frustrated, unable to adequately express self
- Aloof and withdrawn behavior
- Oppositional and controlling behavior
- Withholding affection and sexual intimacy
- Increased impulsive spending
|
- Boredom, restlessness, moodiness
- Lies, defensiveness, unreliability
- False accusations
- Unexplained absences, working unusually long hours
- Obsessive blame and criticism
- Unexplained euphoria at odds with current marital stalemate
- Breakdown in communication
- Unwillingness to cooperate in decision making
|
Here are some things you can do to reverse a downward spiral in marriage and deal with the issues:
- Do prevention maintenance work. Attend a newly-married workshop in your first year of marriage.
- Learn relationship skills through a program that offers such. Check out the website
www.smartmarriages.com.
- Choose a "mentor couple" to meet with once a month to learn how to be married well.
- If you get into marital trouble, attend a
Retrouvaille weekend retreat,
- Get professional
help.(ex. TWOgether,
Inc.) (Family and friends are neither professional nor unbiased, so be careful of thinking of them as problem solvers.)
- Insist on and schedule a weekly "date night" between the two of you. It is time set aside in a busy life for just each other.
- If you aren't already doing so already, begin to pray together on a regular basis.
Many marriages that go through rough times can be rebuilt. A study published in July of 2002 by the Institute of American Values found that "Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married (to each other) five years later. However, just one out five of unhappy spouses who divorced or separated had happily remarried in the same time period."
If both you and your spouse are willing to participate in rebuilding your marriage, the odds of your ending up happily married to each other are high. However, if only one of you wants to work on the marriage and your partner has given up, it may not be a hopeless situation. Sometimes you have to take the first step, and be the first to change. A number of the programs described in this section can be implemented even if only one of the partners is motivated to save the marriage, and some of the programs were even designed with that thought in mind.
|
